it’s easy to feel lost. to feel there are too many destinations, too many dreams, too many thoughts and too many ways to be in this life that one simply gets lost. and you’d try the sea until you realize it waves to every cardinal and has too many ports and bays. you’d try the train but the tracks are a reminder of this heart beating somewhat wastingly inside the tracks of your ribs-you remember you’re going nowhere fast. you’d take the road and the lights from on coming cars will blind you. you get to the point where the drive has less and less meaning, less and less purpose, less and less conviction from you. you try a plane and the heights it reaches but learn soon after, the height taken will dissipate into a touch down, back into the earth-back into the empty vibrations of the wind, back here-where you don’t want to be. you’d want to cover the physical distance so you feel distant from whatever that makes your soul itch but cannot be scratched . until it clicks, you’re not running away per se you’re looking for that which the world has taken or maybe what you have had before and misplaced… or lost. you’re looking outside in the world for that which you have to be looking for inside. and then it clicks, you’re “lost”and want to go home. you want to go back, on the same distance you’ve covered, to return home-which isn’t always a building, a place or a physical thing but rather a feeling, a chance to look someone in the eyes and know there’s no place you’d rather be, a chance to touch yourself with a light pinch in amazement and humourus questioning if it is all true. all of a sudden you know you’re not lost-you’re just looking to go home to a hug that will greet you at the gate instead of at the door, that you’re looking to fit into the intimateness of yourself and cuddle yourself with happiness and love and light and all the magical things poets talk about but it’s all not there at least not in the shape or form you’d prefer. you’d try to rise above the melancholy but find…
“another sunny day/ has come and gone away/ in paris and rome/ and i want to go home.
may be surrounded by/ a million people i/ still feel all alone/ i just wanna go home/ oh, i miss you, you know/*”
wame muse gwafila 2017
*michael buble. home. it’s time. 2005. 143, reprise.